Wednesday, 19 April 2017

Day by day.

Watching the media lately about Prince Harry opening up about mental health and how he dealt with his mother's death, I felt that I needed to write this piece and hopefully it will help any of you as it helps me as I write it. 

I have been absent from my blog for a little while. I sadly lost my grandad very recently. It was a complete shock and something I don't think I'll be getting over for a while

I have been lucky to have all my grandparents with me for this long. I don't know many people my age who are as fortunate so I count my blessings that I got/get (I still have 3 living grandparents) to know them for as long as I did/do and know that I will have good memories of them all. 

I was his first (of two) grandchildren and we were very close. Like everybody else, I would stay with him on school holidays and go to the beach when we would go to Spain. He was a happy go lucky man and he loved to have a laugh and dance the night away in fiestas. But above all, he loved life! Over the last few years, he was so happy. I would talk to him on the phone and he would tell me about what he was up to. He would always ask when we were going to visit him and his face would light up whenever we were with him. Since his heart attack a while ago, he looked after himself and made sure he ate and drank well. And how could I forget the sight of my grandad doing squats in his living room....a very entertaining sight. 

One thing I do know; he loved my sister and me very much. Meeting people over the last few weeks and them telling me how he use to talk about us just showed this. He was loved by so many. Coming from a small town in Spain, he knew everybody. Why wouldn't he?? He would talk to anybody. I wish I was more like him. 

It has been a complete shock, one that I am not over and probably never going to get over. I miss him terribly. But I know that I am only at the start of this process but reading what Prince Harry went through when he lost his mother, made me come back to my laptop once again and feel like I needed to write this. It was just something that I needed to do.  Many would think, why would you do that? Call it a comfort if you will. 

My worry that it may trigger my anxiety has crossed my mind and right now I do not know if it will, but what I will say is that I know myself well enough to know the symptoms and when I need to ask for help I will. Keeping it bottled up will not help you. Get the help that you need, when you need it.  

Grief is dealt with very differently by everybody. Some people get on with things, with others, it takes time. I on the other hand go through good days and bad days. I mananaged to get back to the gym and train with Alex which has helped a lot. Chatting to friends and people has helped too and I couldn't have gone through this without them. 

Somebody recently said to me on an Instagram post that there is light at the end of the tunnel and I do hope so. Keeping my mind busy has helped a lot, whether it is hitting the gym, catching up on work for my other job, researching my next projects for this little blog or even just walking the dogs. Remember it is what helps you. There is no right or wrong way of going through this. I was told that you have to go through this process and take each day as it comes and that is what I am planning to do; day by day. 

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